Mad World by Gary Jules | Jan Leanne

I'm sorry about how depressing this song is, but it just really fits with the times right now. So enjoy me as a re-enact the loneliness and lack of people that surround what should be celebrated events.

Mer-Makeup | Jan Leanne

I know a lot of people are wondering how to look like a mermaid in the middle of May while in quarantine, so voila; I have delivered

Here Comes the Sun | Jan Leanne

Welcome to Tune Tuesdays, hopefully you aren't lactose intolerant cause this is a cheesy one.

Shout out to my mom for being behind the camera and the Beatles for being high enough to write this song.

This was a one take wonder so yes, there are mistakes, but alas.

Welcome to Makeup Mondays: Hawaiian Sunset Makeup | Jan Leanne

Because there's not enough content saturating the Internet right now, here's some more. You obviously didn't ask for it, but I delivered anyways.

Orange Pumpkin Loaf/Muffins

Y'know those days when you feel like your life is going nowhere and you have no idea what to do to make it go anywhere? (Yes, it even happens to people in University who seem like they're on a clear track to somewhere.) I was feeling that sort of way the other day and for me personally, I always feel like I'm accomplishing something when I bake or cook. So I made some very Fall type loaves and muffins in the middle of January.

(This makes a lot as you can see; I wanted to use up an entire 750 mL can of pumpkin, so I tripled the recipe. I'm assuming you don't want to make this much, so here's the original recipe that produces 1 loaf or 1 tray (ish) of muffins)

Ingredients:

Butter                                 1/3 cup

Sugar                                  1 1/3 cups

Eggs                                    2

Canned Pumpkin                1 cup (250 mL)

Water                                  1 cup  (I didn't put this in cause I don't see the point)     

Orange (ground)                 1

Flour                                   2 cups

Baking Soda                       1 tsp

Baking Powder                   1/2 tsp

Salt                                      3/4 tsp

Cinnamon                           1/2 tsp

Cloves                                 1/2 tsp (I actually used Nutmeg instead)

Chopped nuts                      1/2 cups

Raisins or Chopped Dates   1/2 cups (optional, I didn't add any)

Cream butter and sugar together well. Add eggs. Bat lightly. Add pumpkin and water. Stir. Cut and remove seeds from orange. Put in blender or grinder and grind complete orange including peel. Stir into batter. Combine next eight ingredients in bowl mixing well. Stir into batter. Spoon into greased loaf pan (9x5x3 inch) or muffin tin. Bake in oven at 350°F for 1 hour for loaf or 20-25 mins for muffins. Test with toothpick. Let stand for 10 minutes. Remove from pan. Cool and Wrap.

Recipe from one of my mom's cookbooks.

      

We have it pretty good

Last semester I took an English class and the topic for the semester was romance. We learned about the history of romance novels and how they played in the real world. In the old days when there were still monarchies, that's when marriages were generally arranged and people got married and then fell in love (if they were lucky) instead of the individualist modern romantic style of falling in love and then getting married. One of the reason I think this change occurred was not only the rise of democracy, but because of the rise of the role women; like receiving education, getting jobs, and of course, getting the ability to vote, therefore being in the know about current events and politics. I think that because women were participating in the same knowledge men were, it made them more equal in the sense that instead of a woman being only there for children, cleaning and cooking, they could also be a friend and someone you could have an intelligent conversation with. Having knowledge gives people more personality and knowing about things going on in the world allows for an opinion and I think it's these things that make up a persons being. So because females were developing personality, there was more for men to choose from than just colour of hair and eyes; there was more diversity between females and there could be something more attractive about one over the other. This creates a connection one could have to a person so instead of just getting married to continue on the family line, one could get married for companionship. So I think because women started to have substance and character, this creates a people who needed to link with those like them instead of just being assigned to someone for marriage.

I wanted to bring this up because a lot of times I wonder why women even fought for the kind of rights to be able to vote and work and, to put it bluntly: be equal with men. Sometimes school is hard and Netflix is not, and I wonder why I put myself through this. Because there's so many times I think to myself that I would be 100% fine cooking and cleaning and raising children for and with my husband, who would support us, because I love doing all those things and being with someone I love would make it all the easier. Being a stay at home mom really just seems like the best job. But I realize, that I wouldn't be much of a person if I didn't have education or have a reason to actively participate in the world. Being a stay at home in the 21st century is, what I think, the best job, but that's because it's not a plight that is given at birth and that must be done with some random dude, it's something I get to choose.

Story Time

I wanted to share a part of my life that I think is very important to how I got to where I am/ who I am now. Obviously it wasn't JUST this event that made me, and it only formed a part of me, but it was definitely a turning point and something I think of first when I think of how I got to be the confident, independent person I am now.

Before you start reading this just know that most of the kids in my band class are popular, since I know you'd probably assume otherwise. I'd say both of the guys mentioned in this were "popular" or mostly so. And just so you know my social standing in school, I was pretty neutral, I wouldn't say I was popular, but I talked to those kids, and they talked to me without it being weird or anything.

In March of grade 8, I was coming back from a paintballing field trip and my two friends were sitting together on the bus so I was sitting alone, and then this boy sat beside me. (For privacy reasons, I won't use his real name, but let's call him Hans) I kinda knew him, but not very well. He was cute and funny and he laughed at my jokes and that was all it took for me back then, he literally just sat beside me and then I had a crush on him. 

(Also fun fact: the entire bus ride home (like 1.5 hrs) I had to pee REALLY bad and my hair was 100% greasy from paintball.)

At school we only had one class together, which was band and I played the flute and he played the trumpet so we could never really talk cause he was so far away, not that he ever tried to talk to me after that either. For the rest of the year I somehow kept having a crush on him without ever really talking to him. Because I never really had the opportunities to talk to him and because I was an annoying person then, I always tried to message him on Facebook, and looking back on the messages I sent him is so cringe worthy, I'm not at all surprised he didn't like me back.

After Grade 8, there were two different High Schools to go to in my town, and despite the 50% chance of us going to the same school, the odds were not in my favour and he was going to the other school. So all through the summer I hated my life basically, but everyday without fail I prayed to God that he would switch schools. As the summer progressed and my hope kind of dissipated, I started praying that by some miracle we would just happen to be unlikely friends, so even if he didn't go to my school, we would be brought together by something different and become friends. But nonetheless I kept on praying.

I remember this one day, I was distraught and texting my friends (and I had recently messaged him and had not yet received a reply), and no one had texted back for awhile, so I was just stuck with my sadness and the support I thought so desperately needed from my friends was on hold. I remember in that moment I felt so hopeless and empty and had nothing and no one left to go to so I gave in and cried out to God to just help me, to be my friend, to be my balloon to hold onto and have with me; and like a miracle, my friends all texted me back, and even more miraculously, the boy did to (which he practically NEVER did).

After all that praying, he ended up switching to to my school in August, less than a month before school started.

I had dropped band going into high school 'cause nobody liked the flutes 'cause they all sucked, and even though I was the only one that didn't (people told/tell me this, so I'm not completely tooting my own horn) I still hated being related to the general topic of crappy flutes. However my best friend, who didn't switch out of band and played the trumpet (like Hans), convinced me to switch back into band in Grade 9. So basically every band class, I would sit in the trumpet section for the first few minutes of every class to talk to my friend and hopefully get to talk to him. During class, I sat on the other side of the room from him so we'd sometimes have staring contests, and me and my best friend would lip read/speak to each other and he would try to decipher what we said. It was as close as I could get to being his friend. 

Even though there were the odd times when he was nice to me, like complimenting me with my hair curled and asking if I was ok when I got a bloody nose in gym class, he was mostly really mean to me, he knew exactly how to get under my skin, but I took all that crap cause that's the best I got. That's how all grade 9 went, waking up excited to see him, and going to bed feeling like crap cause of what he said.

Then it was grade 10, and I still had a crush on him and he still sucked and I still couldn't get over him, so I prayed to God that he'd fall in love with me or that I would stop having a crush on him so it wouldn't rip me to shreds everyday anymore. This is also when I began journalling everyday.

In my English class that year, there was this guy who was also in my band class (let's call him Kristoff), and he was so funny and he talked to me all the time and he could draw, but I could draw better than him and he secretly knew that and he always had candy and I'm pretty sure he's gonna have diabetes when he's older, but he would always share it with me. This one time I asked this other guy in my English class to get me a laptop from the cart (cause no one had their own back then and we had to use them sometimes), but he didn't hear me or something, so he didn't, but Kristoff heard me and he got it for me. During our poetry unit I wrote a poem about all the flaws I had, and Kristoff picked it up off my desk and read it and I didn't stop him because despite it being a very personal poem, I didn't feel like I had anything to hide, and I think that's where I started to not have any shame about who I am. He told me it was a sad poem and I told him it had a happy ending though (cause it did) and I didn't felt judged or awkward about it or around him afterwards. There's literally so many things he did that were really nice, but this is already a novel so I'll leave them out. 

Anyways, so he was really nice and I realized what a dick Hans was, and that the only reason I picked out my outfits based on what I thought he'd say about it and other stuff like that, was because he bullied me. I didn't have a crush on him, that's only what I thought it was cause I was "blinded by 'love'" or something like that. 

Shortly after coming to this realization, there was a sermon on a Sunday that was about baggage and forgiving people who bring you down, who really should be apologizing to you and asking for your forgiveness, not that other way around. But the Pastor told us to forgive those people and I forgave Hans and I teared up, and I never cry, especially in public places, so tearing up was already a lot. But after I prayed that it was literally like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and just like that, that was the end of my crush on him.

I never had a crush on Kristoff, despite him playing a big part in me getting over Hans, but I love him because of the role he played in making me who I am now.

It's a bit of a sob story, but it has a happy ending so I hope it brightened your day nonethless :)